he says he just wants to be friends but keeps flirting

Understand What “Just Friends” Actually Means

When someone says they “just want to be friends,” it’s usually a statement of boundaries. They’re saying, “I’m not available for something more.” Simple—until the flirting starts.

Flirting injects ambiguity into this setup. It disrupts clear boundaries and keeps emotions hanging. It may feel playful in the moment, but if they’ve already drawn the friendship card, that flirtation often serves another purpose: attention, validation, or control.

Bottom line? Being told you’re a friend is one thing—but when it’s followed by a wink, heart emoji, or latenight text, you’re pushed back into “what are we?” territory.

Why the Signals Get So Mixed

He says he just wants to be friends but keeps flirting because he’s benefiting from the confusion. You give him emotional connection, perhaps even romantic energy, without him needing to commit. This imbalance might be subconscious on his part—but that doesn’t make it harmless.

Here are a few common reasons he might behave this way:

Emotional safety: You’re a comfort zone. Friendship gives him connection without the pressure of a relationship. Ego boost: Every flirtatious moment is a way to feel desired—without giving much in return. Control: Keeping things unclear maintains power. He dictates the terms: close enough to flirt, distant enough to evade commitment. Indecision: Or, he genuinely doesn’t know what he wants. So instead of backing off, he strings things along.

That’s not fair to you.

When Flirting Isn’t Flattering Anymore

Flirting can be harmless—if both people are on the same page. But when one person is emotionally invested and the other keeps the tension going without real intentions? That’s emotional baiting.

If he says he just wants to be friends but keeps flirting, you’re essentially being given emotional crumbs. One moment, it feels like something might develop. The next? Nothing changes.

It’s exhausting.

Look at His Actions, Not Just Words

Words are cheap—especially in murky situations. What really matters is consistency. Does he:

Take interest in your life beyond surface compliments? Flirt only when it’s convenient—like when he’s bored or drunk? Show actual friendship (support, honesty, effort), or is it mostly games?

If you feel constantly confused or you’re analyzing his every move, that’s a red flag in itself. Healthy connections, romantic or platonic, don’t rely on guesswork.

Set Your Own Terms, Not Just Theirs

You don’t have to accept mixed signals just because someone claims to only want friendship. If his actions say something else, and you’re feeling emotionally played, it’s OK to confront that.

Say what you need to say—without asking for clarity, but offering your own. Try something like:

“Look, I respect your boundary of being friends. But the flirting sends another message, and it’s confusing. If we’re friends, let’s actually be friends—or be honest about what this is.”

It’s not about issuing an ultimatum. It’s about setting a standard for how you want to be treated.

Own the Power to Walk Away

Sometimes the hardest truth is this: if he says he just wants to be friends but keeps flirting, he may not actually value either friendship or a relationship enough to define it. And if that’s the case, staying in the gray zone isn’t worth it.

You lose nothing by walking away from connection that confuses and drains you. You gain peace, clarity, and space for connection that aligns with your needs.

Don’t wait for mixed signals to suddenly get clear. They usually don’t. You deserve someone whose words and actions match—consistently.

Final Thought: Mixed Messages Are a Message

Flirting is fun—but only when it’s mutual, wanted, and clear. If you’re starting to feel like there’s more confusion than connection, take that seriously.

Ask yourself: Is this person offering a relationship—or just the illusion of one? Are you giving them more emotional space than they’ve earned?

If your heart’s on the line and you’re stuck in “friendly” limbo, there’s strength in stepping back. Sometimes the clearest answer isn’t what they tell you—but how they make you feel.